


About Desperation and Bliss

by BourbonKid



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A Lot Of Masturbation, M/M, Masturbation, Steve fantasizes about almost every man he knows, Steve has a dirty mind, Steve has a guilty conscience about it, Steve is comming to terms with being gay, Voyeurism, bottom!Thor, mentions of Jack Rollins/Brock Rumlow, porn with a little plot, top!steve, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 10:53:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5964619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BourbonKid/pseuds/BourbonKid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is horny.</p><p>There’s no better way to describe the state he’s in more or less constantly these days: Steve’s a desperate, horny slut. Finally, he can admit that to himself, after month of denial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My Walking Dead story progresses a little slower than I thought. Therefore I took the liberty to dive into the Avengers fandom and write some smut in the meantime - which I have never done before. Writing porn is not quite as easy as I had hoped but I guess practice makes perfect ;)
> 
> I rewatched Captain America: The Winter Soldier yesterday and I came upon so many slashable scenes that didn't quite require a real pairing but tickled my slash-sense nonetheless. This is the result. Still, it's eventually gonna be top!Steve/bottom!Thor, because I'm convinced that Thor is an even grater slut than Steve. 
> 
> If things I say don't make sense, it's either because I'm a crazy-person or because English isn't my first language - please excuse my mess!!! I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

Steve is horny.

There’s no better way to describe the state he’s in more or less constantly these days: Steve’s a desperate, horny slut. Finally, he can admit that to himself, after month of denial.

It all starts with the Winter Soldier and Steve curses Bucky inwardly for every single boner he’s popped ever since their memorable fight at the bridge.

The Soldier is the first opponent he encounters, who is an actual challenge. He’s fast, he’s strong and determined, just like Steve. The Captain really has to give it his best if he wants to win and that hasn’t happened in a while. Maybe that’s why Steve’s blood thrums in his ears so loudly, he can’t even hear the shots being fired all around them while they exchange blow after hard blow. It’s not until much later, that he realizes how each attack and counterattack makes his cock twitch in his pants.

The moment the mask comes off, every sexual feeling he might have had is whisked away and replaced by sheer disbelieving shock. It takes a while for him to come to terms with the revelation of the Soldier’s identity. And when they fight at the Helicarrier, he merely feels the urge to protect humanity and save Bucky from self-destruction in the process, if possible.

All the strange and unknown emotions come later, when he’s recuperating. He’s more agitated than usual after the mission, even if it had been an especially intense one. As soon as he’s back on his feet, he works out harder than ever and tries to funnel this nervous energy into his training. At first, it seems to do the trick but the relief is short lived. Sooner rather than later, the feeling is back and it’s gnawing at him relentlessly.

The true nature of his predicament is painfully obvious, considering his body’s distinct reaction. Still, at this point, he can’t admit to himself that he’s simply sexually aroused. Specifically, that other men arouse him sexually.

 

Initially, he tries to accredit it all to Bucky. Maybe he’s missed his pal so much that he’s developed a certain kind of attraction. Perhaps, he has confused the friendship they’ve shared in the past with a completely different level of closeness. It torments him internally to think that he’s that messed up. It’s reasonable enough though, seeing how many years have passed. He’s only human after all and who knows what being frozen several decades does to that part of the brain.

Furthermore, he might be frustrated because he’s never had real sex in the first place. Back in the old days, he’s been preoccupied with the war and quite frankly, he hadn’t felt like he’d missed out on anything. Of course, he hadn’t been averse to sleeping with Peggy but the opportunity had just never arisen. That could easily be the reason for his dilemma, because other guys keep going on about their basic needs. Maybe he is simply a late bloomer in that department and he just needs to get laid. With a woman, naturally.

What opens his eyes in the end, are the dreams. They start with Bucky as well and mostly feature him as the Winter Soldier. Bucky’s always in the shower somehow and of course he’s conveniently naked. The metal arm whirrs under the scalding hot water that’s cascading down a muscled body. In the beginning, Bucky has his back turned to Steve while he tips his head back and moves slowly under the spray of the shower. He doesn’t take note of Steve’s presence and shifts his weight leisurely around, to keep all parts of his body covered with warm wetness. Steve’s eyes follow the path of the water over sculpted shoulders, down the toned back and finally over the crack of his ass. Steve’s mesmerized.

He jerks awake in his bed with a raging hard-on, breathing hard. For a moment, he can’t move at all. He doesn’t dare touch his cock and he’s torn between crushing shame and genuine concern for his mental wellbeing. How can he lust after his former best friend, who’s currently stuck being a brainwashed assassin on top of that? Instead of pondering possible answers to that question, he takes a freezing shower himself. Afterwards, he squeezes the dream into the farthest, darkest corner of his conscience and hopes it’ll stay there forever.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn’t. The following night, he has the exact same dream, only Bucky uses a lot of foamy soap and washes himself sinuously this time. Both his arms are human, so Steve doesn’t quite register Bucky as the Winter Soldier. To Steve’s inconvenience, Bucky doesn’t turn around this time either. The other man spends a frustratingly long time on his upper body, before his hands delve down to his cock. At least that’s what Steve assumes by the deep groan that escapes Bucky’s throat as soon as his hands reach groin level.

Before anything else happens, Steve’s awake again with his balls ready to explode. He’s never been this hard before and his cock is leaking so much that his pajama bottoms are soaked through already even though he’s wearing boxer briefs underneath them. The attempt to get up and solve the problem with another cold shower proves fruitless, because even just sitting up makes the wet fabric rub deliciously over his cock and he almost comes then and there.

He sinks back down onto his pillow and ponders his options.

Actually, he can’t remember the last time, he’s taken care of things and maybe that’s the problem in itself after all, maybe all he needs is to get rid of the tension. On the other hand, if he jerks off now, he sure as hell won’t be able to suppress vivid images of a showering Bucky popping up. In the end, his throbbing erection wins out and he gives in.

Biting his lip guiltily, he slides his hand down his torso and presses the heel of it onto his hard dick. He hasn’t been prepared for the electric shock that races up his spine and before he can stop himself, he moans out loud. His vision almost whites out with the intensity of the sensation. Nothing he’s ever felt compares.

When he eventually let’s his control slide a little, he’s overwhelmed. He presses his hand down harder and begins to move it up and down slightly, eliciting another deep moan. His whole body shudders and he strains under the pressure, while his thoughts travels back to the naked Winter Soldier of his dream. In his mind, he replays Bucky’s groan when he’s touched his own groin and suddenly Steve can’t keep the fantasy at bay anymore. Bucky’s metal arm is moving fast now, as the Soldier fists his cock in a vice grip. His other hand braces against the wet tiles, while he works himself to completion. The muscles in his lower back strain with each stroke and when the other man’s hips start to move rhythmically, Steve breaks apart. With a needy whine through clenched teeth, he grips his cock hard through his pants and comes. It’s easily the best orgasm he’s ever had and through it all, Bucky is on the forefront of his mind.

After that, Steve can’t deny any longer that he’s attracted to the Winter Soldier. It only get’s worse from there.

 

As though that one orgasm was a starter drug, he’s addicted in no time at all. Steve has never expected his mind to go to the gutter like that. It’s scaring him, really, but he just can’t help it. His intelligence seems to have reduced itself to a prehistoric state and all he can think about is sex. It’s constantly on his mind and that fact compromises every other aspect of his life. Not only his dreams begin to center around Bucky in different masturbatory situations, but his daylight fantasies are also spun around the other man jerking off.

The worst part is the fear of anyone finding out. Keeping his dirty secret from the people around him becomes Steve’s greatest concern. He’s almost paranoid about it, as thought others could suddenly develop the ability to read his mind. It gets particularly difficult, when he’s deemed fit enough to partake in another mission. Every meeting turns into a minefield, because as soon as Fury drones on about security protocol and equally boring topics, his mind begins to wander.

Each time he notices his mental transgression, he pulls himself back sharply. While he can barely tolerate that he’s become a perverted freak as long as he’s alone at night, there’s no way he could ever be indifferent about it happening in public. The single silver lining is, that his newfound sexual addiction doesn’t seem to limit his ability on the battlefield. If anything, he fights better than before his encounter with Bucky. Irritatingly, it works this was: the harder the battle, the harder his cock gets afterwards.

As if all that wasn’t enough, one elevator ride on a sunny Tuesday morning takes Steve’s personal crisis to a whole new level – so to speak. He’s half hard all the time nowadays and his mental state doesn’t improve his social skills much either. It doesn’t matter how much he jerks off – and he uses practically every free minute to do that – he keeps getting aroused again and again. Besides being frustrating as hell, it also grinds on his self-esteem and he’s flustered more easily than ever.

He’s on his way down, when three guys from one of the combat support teams board the elevator. Curt greetings are exchanged and for a moment, Steve is reminded of one particularly unpleasant elevator ride with his STRIKE team. However, these men mostly ignore him. Steve takes the opportunity to study their appearances unobtrusively. They wear their fighting gear and by their sweaty state Steve can tell that they’ve either just come back from a mission or from training. All three of them are pretty buff, their muscles pumped up from the recent workout.

Steve licks his lips unconsciously, while his eyes glide over bulging biceps and dark stubble on square chins. A single droplet of sweat runs down from a temple over a strong neck and into the collar of a black shirt. Steve gulps and shifts his stance slightly, bringing his shield in front of his body without attracting attention to his move. He’s never been so glad that he’s brought his shield with him, not even in his fiercest battle. The men stay oblivious to his hard-on and exit the elevator one level above Steve’s destination. His gaze fixes on one perfectly firm ass that moves enticingly under the dark fabric of the man’s combat pants as he walks away.

He’s so fucked.

 

When the elevator dings to signal his level, he slips out before the doors are even halfway open. In his haste to get away, he runs straight into Natasha, who stumbles backwards with a surprised look on her face. For a heartbeat, he stares at her and time seems to slow. With shocking clarity he realizes that her delicate features do nothing to his libido. At least nothing remotely comparable to the encounter in the elevator. The sudden understanding feels like a punch to his gut but at the same time, his cock twitches hard at the forbidden thought.

His inner turmoil must have shown on his face, because Natasha’s brows furrow in concern. “Steve?”, she exclaims questioningly but he just stammers something about important duties and rushes past her. He doesn’t think, he merely acts on instinct. In retrospect he doesn’t know how he has managed to find an empty storage room without running into anyone else. As soon as the door clicks shut behind him, he leans his back against it and exhales audibly.

The shield clonks to the floor beside him and his hands are instantly on his belt. As much as he’s struggling with his internal moral conflict, there’s no way he can ignore the painful hardness between his legs. He fumbles with the uniform for a second and hisses in annoyance, when the zipper gets stuck on the blue material. Without further ado, he rips it open, reaches inside and closes his fist around his aching dick. Instantly, relief floods his senses and he can’t suppress the initial needy moan at the first touch. If he hadn’t come this very morning, he’d have shot his load by now. At least he tries to stay quiet after that but it’s not an easy task.

Finally, he lets go for real and indulges in his fantasies for once. His mind goes back to the elevator while his hand works his wet cock with almost superhuman speed. At first, he thinks about the three men and recalls every arousing detail about the encounter. He lingers on that firm ass in the tight pants and his breath hitches while his hand pistons over his leaking erection. It would probably feel perfect under his hands. He’s never let himself ponder the actual mechanics of sex with another man and he can’t contain the breathy moan that escapes him at the thought.

He doesn’t stop at recent encounters though, the elevator has burned itself into his fantasy now. Instead, he pictures that memorable fight with the STRIKE team, only the battle takes a very different turn this time. They’ve come to arrest him on Pierce’s orders, that much stays true. But each man that boards the elevator looks at him with hungry eyes and when the emergency stop is punched, they open their pants and take out their cocks. They’ve waited for the excuse, for the opportunity.

The idea of all those rough guys hard in one room is incredibly erotic to Steve. It gets him going like nothing before. It’s stifling hot in the confined space and Steve is trembling with the need to come. He goes further and imagines them touching each other, fisting each other’s cocks and – with a tiny twinge of his conscience – even fucking each other. They’d be as desperate for it as him, because normally they can’t admit that they want it either. Steve watches as cocks slide into willing bodies and hands grope bouncing dicks, jerking them expertly. Rollins would probably like it rough.

Steve whimpers with guilty lust. Until now, he’s stayed on relatively safe territory and kept the faces nameless. He nearly shies away from crossing that boundary but now that he’s dipped his toe in, he can’t go back. Hell yes, Rollins would definitely like it rough. He’d fuck Rumlow straight through the wall and Rumlow would love every minute of it. Steve remembers how hard Rumlow had fought and how tough he’d been. Maybe he wouldn’t take it up the ass from Rollins after all but rather get Steve off.

He keens and fists himself so tight it almost hurts. In his mind, Rumlow jerks him vigorously and Steve recalls how hardened the man’s body had been and how very distinctly male. He’d probably even smell like a man, all earthy and sweaty and-

With a low shout, Steve comes. He jerks through it and there’s so much cum that part of his brain wonders if that’s even healthy. But the majority of his nerve-endings go up in flames and it feels unbelievably amazing. It goes on for at least a full minute and Steve only slows down when it starts to feel uncomfortable. Breathing hard, he squeezes out another few drops. They gather at his slit before they run down his shaft to join the rivulets that are already dripping down over his fingers onto his uniform and ultimately the floor.

He blushes as he looks at the mess he’s created, even though nobody is there to witness his embarrassment. Afterwards, when his breathing has calmed down and his knees are stable again, he busies himself with the cleanup. Luckily, he finds himself in a storage room for cleaning utensils and he comes upon several stacks of paper towels. It’s not exactly the same as a shower but it’ll have to do for now.

 

For a few days, Steve avoids elevators completely, which earns him concerned looks from Natasha. After Steve’s weird behavior the other day, she’s watching him more closely than he prefers under the given circumstances. However, it’s his own fault, so he bears with it and hopes it’ll pass. To his chagrin, it doesn’t and neither does his recent infatuation with orgiastic fantasies about a certain late STRIKE leader.

His dreams turn from Bucky in the shower to Rumlow in the elevator and then to Rollins and Rumlow in the shower and afterwards to Bucky and Rumlow in the elevator. The first time, he dreams about Bucky blowing Rumlow, Captain America shoots his load without touching his dick at all. Steve wants to die of shame. Rumlow and Rollins had been Hydra and they’re both dead, damn it! And the Winter Soldier isn’t exactly an ally either, though Steve uses Bucky’s identity as a valid excuse. But no matter what his conscience might dictate, his body subconsciously knows better. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg, because Steve starts to notice other guys as well and he cannot stop looking. It’s like the world around him is suddenly filled with incredibly hot men and he lusts after practically every single one of them. It’s infuriating.

By then, he’s given up on his theories about Bucky and Peggy and come to the very obvious conclusion that he’s gay.

It’s as simple as that – only it’s not. Steve knows that homosexuality isn’t illegal anymore and he doesn’t think himself less of a man for it. Still, if he officially admitted that he liked cock, it would definitely be frowned upon. It would affect his integrity as a national icon as well as the relationship with his coworkers and subordinates.

Besides this very evident obstacle, the real problem is that Steve isn’t just gay per se. To be precise, he’s a desperate, horny slut. He hasn’t fallen for one specific man so there’s no love story that can be sold to the public.

Briefly, he considers actually acting upon his urges and approaching another man, albeit discreetly. But he’s very aware that the men he works with and fantasizes about are predominantly very straight. Or his enemies. Or dead.

In the end, he keeps this side of himself in the shadows.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished the story in one go so I might have made more mistakes than usual, I'm sorry! If you would like to bring any mistakes or thoughts on the story to my attention, please feel free to do so :)

Since Steve has come to terms with the true nature of his sexual orientation, a few weeks have passed. Learning how to handle his recently discovered perversion turns out to be a tedious process. He still can’t reign in his libido and he tends to lust over nearly every attractive man he encounters. The dreams don’t stop either and his fantasies grow ever wilder while his cock is hard more often than not. On the upside, he becomes an expert at hiding his horniness even in the trickiest of situations.

He sets a stern routine and jerks off in the morning at least once, as well as in the evening. If he doesn’t, he risks creaming his pants in public and he knows that from first-hand experience. There had been that one time he’d overslept due to a very enticing dream about Rumlow’s behind. Natasha had woken him up with a call, sounding rather pissed that he’d been late for an important meeting on professional media-interaction. He’d hoped that she’d accredit the huskiness in his voice to sleep rather than arousal. He’d hardly had enough time to jump into fresh clothes and he’d had to skip the shower, not to mention his jerk-off ritual. As if that hadn’t been enough torment in itself, the meeting was lead by a stunning young blonde from the publicity department. The guy had looked like he’d just stepped out of a glossy men’s health magazine. By the time the meeting had ended, Steve had barely managed to escape into the sanctuary of a deserted bathroom, before he’d doubled over and cummed hard.

After that incident, Steve makes a habit of rubbing one out whenever the opportunity arises, as a precautious measure so to say. That helps a lot with his self-control but it drains his self-esteem, too. He doesn’t mind being gay so much as he does his ever-present lusting. It makes him feel degraded. Degenerated, even. So far, Steve feels like he’s contaminated a sickness that he’s learning to live with. A sickness that secretly gives him the greatest bliss he has ever enjoyed. It’s a catch-22, really.

Still, somehow he copes. Based on his discovery that Natasha doesn’t get his sex-drive going at all, he finds out that his predicament lessens when he’s around women in general. As long as he eludes potential stimuli, which is to say every hot man within eyeshot, he’s mostly fine. Thus he spends a lot more time in the company of Natasha and Agent Hill. They don’t seem to mind and Natasha even invites him to accompany her and Clint to a bar one evening. He declines politely, of course. He can’t risk compromising his working relationship with Barton and the archer is already lurking at the back of his perverted mind.

 

The only other silver lining is that he has a specific preference and he doesn’t just crave every single man in existence. Sadly, his type is strong, tall and ripped which includes almost every single man he works with. But at least he doesn’t lust after Coulson or Fury, God forbid! To his tremendous relief, Sam seems to be mostly excluded from his fantasies as well. Of course, Steve isn’t blind and Sam is quite attractive even from a neutral point of perspective. So Steve doesn’t fully understand why Sam is spared by his libido but he suspects that his brain actually categorizes the man as a friend. Anyway, he’s not in the position to question a gift like that.

And as much as his addiction restricts his daily life and weights on his conscience, it doesn’t alter his personality completely. He’s still compassionate and righteous. He’s still the guy to help old ladies over the street and rescue kittens out of trees. Most importantly, he’s still able to fight and therefore to do his job. The majority of missions run rather smoothly, considering that half of his brain is busy suppressing his urges. That is, until the Avengers assemble once more.

 

Steve can’t fathom how he’s ever been able to work alongside these people without popping a boner every other minute. It’s a mystery to him, how he could have been so unaffectedly clueless. Only, if he thinks back on it, he might have been aware of it subconsciously all along. All the head butting with Stark that had rubbed him the wrong way, had really rubbed him the right way, if he was honest with himself. Steve sulkily thinks that it isn’t his fault if Tony wears those goddamn tight t-shirts underneath his armor. That view would affect every gay man in close proximity, wouldn’t it?

Unfortunately, the mission heads south and personal time is subsequently limited to bathroom breaks. Sleep is reduced to fitful napping in between battles, usually in the company of the whole team on the quinjet. Despite the constant stress and sleep deprivation, Steve’s imagination is stuck in overdrive. Whenever he falls into a fitful slumber, his mind wanders to the forbidden fruit in an instant.

In his restless dreams, Tony’s bend over the console of the jet with a sweat-drenched shirt clinging to his well-formed torso. Steve pictures him writhing and moaning his name, fisting his own cock while he thinks of the captain. He’d probably be a talker, too, and tell Steve how much he wants him and how good it feels. He jerks awake with a start each time, his heart almost pounding out of his ribcage. The others don’t question his jumpiness. They don’t fare much better, though for completely different reasons.

Tony doesn’t stay the sole object of his desire. Clint and Bruce each take on leading parts in his headporn as well, because they’re both breathtakingly sexy. Nonetheless, Tony’s general propensity to flirt and flaunt himself at any given opportunity, saves him the spotlight. Steve has to admit that the constant friction of their clashing personalities is a definite turn-on. The heated arguments that are central to their relationship fuel Steve’s arousal like nothing else lately. He’s only mildly ashamed to think he might have provoked a few of those on purpose. He’s aware that he’s playing with fire here, but it’s almost a challenge now and so far nobody has figured it out, yet. He’s getting really good at the game.

In the end, the cause for the mission turns out to be extraterrestrial once more and since Loki’s behind it all, Thor’s called to earth as well. The demigod hasn’t even crossed Steve’s mind until he arrives in a boastful show of thunder and lightning. Now that Thor is right in front of his eyes, Steve immediately registers how unbelievably hot the man is. Fortunately, the ensuing battle demands Steve’s full attention and he’s totally distracted from all sexual thoughts for a while. Finally, they manage to subdue Loki with the help of Thor and the Jotun is securely confined at headquarters.

Everybody is relieved that the taxing mission has come to an end and despite the victory, the atmosphere is rather exhausted than celebratory. Steve’s glad and disappointed at the same time. On one hand, he can go back to his routine now and thus minimize the chances of getting caught. On the other hand, he has kind of enjoyed the endless supply of jerk-off material. Every addict craves his drug after all.

 

Even though the mission is essentially over, there’s still a lot to do. Endless meetings and debriefings lie ahead of them but for now, they get some much-needed rest. Steve uses the first opportunity to sneak away and jerk off under a luxuriously long shower. Afterwards, he feels utterly relaxed and content. For a change, he’s virtually sated. It’s not that late yet and he decides to stroll through the building for a bit before heading to bed. A walk is just what he needs to unwind completely.

The majority of corridors are deserted, though he can hear activity from the command center. He avoids the voices and wanders aimlessly for a while. Soon, he finds himself closing in on the section where Loki is being held captive. It doesn’t surprise him much when his thoughts immediately go to the trickster’s black leather pants. Despite Loki’s latest attempt at world domination, the demigod is still alluringly good-looking. And there’s no way Steve’s dirty mind can stay passive at that accent.

He can risk a glance, can’t he?

Steve slinks up to the end of the corridor and sneaks a peak around the corner at the brightly lit cell. Loki’s sitting on the floor, his back leisurely leaning against the far wall. He’s got one leather-clad leg stretched out and his arm is casually cushioned on his other leg’s bent knee. The position spreads his tights comfortably apart, putting his groin unintentionally on display. Steve takes a step back out of sight and leans heavily on the cool concrete wall of the corridor. He swallows audibly and he can feel his cock already twitching in his soft grey sweatpants.

He should leave, he knows he should. But he can’t, the temptation is way to big.

Instead, he grabs his cock trough the grey fabric and squeezes. How can this feel so very good after he’s just gotten off in the shower? His hair hasn’t even dried completely and yet, he’s already getting it up again.

He risks another peek and this time, he lets his gaze linger on the other man’s crotch. The relaxed way Loki’s legs are spread makes Steve’s mouth water. Since he’s got the same equipment, it’s obvious to him that Loki’s giving his junk some room. The pants look too tight to be very comfortable but they put his package on display rather nicely. Steve has to suppress a groan and without a second thought, he slides his hand into his elastic waistband.

He’s so absorbed in the sight of Loki – his glossy black hair, his chiseled features, his damn leather-outfit – that he doesn’t notice the footsteps despite his enhanced super soldier hearing. He almost has a heart attack when Thor steps into the narrow corridor and snaps Steve’s attention away from Loki. A startled gasp breaks free of Steve’s throat and his whole body freezes as thought a bucket of icy water had been poured down his back. Steve’s initial terror isn’t even borne from shame at being caught. The embarrassment comes a second later when Thor’s eyes go wide as saucer plates.

Thor’s mouth falls open in a fashion that would have been comical under different circumstances. His gaze flickers from Steve’s face down to the hand that’s stuck motionless in his sweatpants and back up. Steve can practically see the wheels turning in the other man’s mind while he figures it all out. The demigod looks to the corner where Loki’s cell is hidden just out of sight and then he focuses on Steve again. Understanding dawns in his eyes and his mouth closes before he makes a disbelieving sound in the back of his throat.

“Steven?”, he says shakily and his voice sounds even rougher than usual.

Steve stays paralyzed for another few seconds but then the gravity of the situation finally impacts on his brain. He jerks his hand out of his pants and a furious blush creeps up his neck onto his cheeks. They stare at each other, unable to tear their eyes away. It’s like watching a train wreck: you can’t stand looking at it but neither can you bring yourself to look away. It holds a morbid fascination.

“I… this… it’s…”, Steve stutters, his face on fire.

“Do you…”, Thor starts uncertainly, “do you… _like_ … my brother?”

That would have been the perfect getaway. Steve could have pretended. Thor might even have kept silent because he still sees Loki as family and not as the ultimate enemy like the other Avengers do. Unfortunately, Steve’s completely unable to form a coherent thought and passes on the opportunity.

“Ah… not exactly”, he answers tentatively while he shifts from one foot to the other.

Thor waits for him to elaborate. “I’m… I like… I’m gay”, he finally blurts out in a stammer. There, he’s said it.

His hands fist into the fabric at his tights nervously but he doesn’t notice it at all. He’s hyper aware of the other man though, of the tension in the air between them.

Thor’s even more taken aback by Steve’s admission until the metaphorical wheels suddenly seem to click into place.

“Oh”, he says as though he’s finally got a grasp on what’s going on. “Um, well… I didn’t mean to interrupt”, he explains hesitantly.

Steve can’t believe his ears.

 

He’s expected disgust and anger, maybe even punishment. However, Thor seems mostly embarrassed and in fact slightly guilty about his intrusion. It piques Steve’s suspicion and his brain unfreezes a little. He takes in Thor’s flustered state, his nervous energy and his flushed appearance. Instinctively, his eyes travel down to Thor’s crotch and he breathes out abruptly.

The thunderer is most definitely as hard as Steve.

Steve looks at Thor incredulously and all of a sudden, understanding dawns on him as well.

“Oh my god, Thor!”, he exclaims and the demigod blushes furiously. “Did you… did you come down here to…?” Steve breaks off, he can’t say the words but Thor’s squirming is all the answer he needs.

Holy fuck!

 

Thor is at least as perverted as him, because he’s got a boner for his adopted villainy brother and he’s here for the exact same purpose as Steve himself: to sneak a peek and beat the meat to it. It seems like they’ve caught each other with their hands in the same cookie jar. Steve needs a moment to process that new piece of information and a minute passes in silence before he speaks again.

“So I guess we’re in the same boat?”, he asks with an ounce of hope in his voice.

Thor perks up at his tone and relief floods his features. “Yes! Yes I guess we do”, he agrees hurriedly.

For a moment they both test their newfound common ground non-verbally. But it’s not like one can blame the other for their actions and Steve’s anxiety fades gradually. It’s replaced by a million questions. Soon enough, his curiosity wins out and before he can stop himself, he asks: “Is it just him? Is he… _special_ … or…?”

The other man bites his lip guiltily and doesn’t meet his eyes when he answers. “No.”

Okay, so Thor’s not only hard for his brother but for men in general. That makes him gay, or bisexual at least. And if that isn’t the most stunning discovery of the century, Steve doesn’t know what is.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one contains graphic description of sex, so be warned!

To Steve’s relief, Thor sticks to their unspoken agreement and stays quiet about their nightly encounter. Since Loki had hopefully been out of earshot, their shared secret should be safe as long as both of them kept their mouths shut.

After Thor’s admission in turn, an awkward silence had settled between them. Steve’s mind had suddenly been flooded with images of them both jerking it to Loki in that corridor. Wisely, he’d beat a hasty retreat and fled the scene with a stuttered: “I have to… I’m gonna go.”

Thor had looked at him dumbstruck, as though Steve’s urge to run hadn’t been totally understandable in the given situation. But after a moment, he’d answered: “Yes, of course.”

Steve had been able to feel the demigod’s eyes on his back all the way down the corridor. Because there was no way in hell that he’d have taken the shorter route through the adjacent hallway and pass the narrow space between Thor and the wall in the process.

Another meeting is scheduled first thing in the morning and after a night of fitful sleep, Steve’s not sure he’s ready to face Thor. Since the events of the other night, he’d relapsed right back into his initial state of shame. He’d even been too embarrassed to handle his persistent erection and he’d been plagued by haunting nightmares.

Thor himself doesn’t look very well rested either and greets Steve with a sheepish smile and a mumbled “Morning”. They keep their distance throughout the day and barely talk to each other. Each time a direct encounter becomes unavoidable, they both have to fight a blush. Their unusually bashful behavior raises some eyebrows, especially since Thor is normally very bold. But people are tired and glad that the mission has been successful, so they let it slide.

For a few days, they don’t see much of each other because Thor is preoccupied with Loki’s trial. Apparently, Fury is adamant that Loki should be imprisoned on earth while Thor argues that Loki should be held on Asgard. Seeing as Loki’s imprisonment on Asgard hadn’t worked out so well last time, Fury has a point in Steve’s opinion. Thor seems to grow increasingly frustrated with the progress of the discussion or the lack thereof.

Steve had almost expected his libido to diminish after his dirty secret had come to light. On the other hand, Thor doesn’t know the full extent of his cravings. However, his dreams continue and so does his lusting over his comrades. It figures, he’s a desperate, horny slut after all.

 

Since there’s still a lot to do in the aftermath of the battle, the Avengers stay together at headquarters. They all share the same floor of the tower and therefore, avoiding Thor completely is out of the question. Inevitably, the moment arises when they’re alone in the same room again. It happens in the communal kitchen one evening. Steve walks around the corner and sees Thor sitting on one of the barstools with a steaming mug in front of him. The other man spots him right away, ruining Steve’s chances of slinking away unseen.

“Good evening, Steven!”, Thor greets in his typical jovial manner and beams at him.

“Um, hi”, Steve replies and smiles back a little subdued.

For a moment, the awkwardness is back but then Steve breaks the silence. “How’s it going with Fury?”, he asks while he heads over to the fridge. He tries his best to keep his tone casual and his concentration on a carton of milk instead of Thor’s huge biceps. The thunderer seems relieved that Steve has taken the first step.

He sighs and answers sorrowfully: “Not as well as I had hoped. Fury is very consistent that Loki should stay here. I know my brother is in good hands on earth but he belongs with me on Asgard.”

Steve glances at the other man out of the corner of his eye, while he takes a glass out of the sleek cabinet and pours the milk into it. He can’t help but wonder if Thor wants Loki on Asgard for more reasons than brotherly protectiveness. Are the occurrences of the other night a regular thing? Has Thor made a habit of jerking off while watching the Jotun? Does Loki know that his brother desires him? But Thor had admitted that it isn’t just about Loki so it had most likely been a coincidence.

“I’m sorry to hear that”, he says carefully while he stores the carton back in the fridge.

Thor sighs again and takes a sip from his mug. “Sometimes I miss the old times. Loki used to be such good company when we were younger. I know he’s done terrible things but he’s still my brother.”

Steve turns around and leans back against the kitchen counter next to the fridge. He thinks about Bucky and somehow he can relate, so he answers contemplatively: “I guess it’s just hard to picture him like that if you only know his bad side. But everybody’s got a reason for the things they’re doing.” On second thought he ads: “I think people are never all bad or all good. It’s each single act that’s either moral or immoral.”

That sounds alarmingly like Steve’s trying to defend his masturbatory misdeeds but it’s his honest opinion so says it anyway. Thor seems grateful for it because he smiles at him. But before another word leaves his mouth, there are steps closing in on the kitchen and both of them turn their attention towards the hallway.

A second later, Tony emerges from behind the corner. Steve’s eyes bulge at the sight, because the man is buck ass naked with only a flimsy towel wrapped around his midst. Droplets of water are still clinging to Tony’s skin and running all the way down from his hairline to the hem of said towel. Unfazed by his state of undress, he saunters into the room and greets them with a cheery: “Howdy fellas! Have you seen the whiskey?” When neither of them replies, he waves his hands in the air in a gesture of exasperation. “Wow, did I interrupt a 'super secret superpowered-blondes’ meeting or something?”

Steve manages a weak laugh and Thor coughs a little as though his voice had temporarily deserted him. Tony grumbles about them being unhelpful oafs and takes matters into his own hands. He opens and closes a few cabinets on the opposite side of the kitchen while Steve’s and Thor’s eyes are glued to his back. After several fruitless attempts at the upper cabinets, Tony turns the focus of his search towards the lower levels of the kitchen.

“Maybe to the left?”, Thor suggests in a husky voice that could be blamed on the earlier cough but Steve knows better. Thor, that magnificent bastard, has just pointed out the lowest cupboard on Tony’s side that isn't hidden from Thor’s view by the kitchen island. The oblivious Tony makes an appreciative noise and bends down to rummage through it. The flimsy towel rides up on his hips and tightens around the cheeks of his ass, putting it effectively on display.

Steve can barely keep himself from salivating at the sight. He bets all his money that Thor doesn’t fare much better but he can’t confirm his suspicion because then he’d have to look away from Stark. Sadly, the mechanic seems to have found what he’s been looking for. With a triumphant “Aha!” Tony straightens himself a second later and holds up a bottle filled with honey-colored liquid. He kicks the cupboard closed with one bare foot and swivels around to face them.

Tipping the bottle to Thor in a symbolic salute, he exclaims: “Thanks mate! I guess the two of you don’t want any?” He looks at them expectantly but Steve shakes his head and Tony shrugs. “Suit yourselves. If you change your mind, you’re free to loot.” And with that, he pads out of the kitchen.

 

Steve turns slowly to Thor, their eyes meet and neither of them even pretends anymore.

“Fuck!”, Steve curses huskily.

Thor licks his lips and bites them afterwards, drawing Steve’s attention to them. “Do you want to…?”, he suggests hesitantly. His whole body has gone tense, highlighting his muscled frame and he’s leaning slightly into Steve’s direction.

The sexual tension in the room is tangible now and Steve answers with a breathy: “Yeah.”

 

Thor leaves the barstool so fast that Steve’s eyes have difficulty to follow. The next thing he knows, he’s pressed back into the counter by the demigod’s weight and Thor’s lips latch onto his. The thunderer is slightly taller than himself, so he has to lean down a bit but it works out just fine. In the first few seconds, Steve doesn’t know how to respond but then instinct takes over and his hands grab Thor’s shirt to pull him in even closer. A warm, slick tongue licks over his lower lip and Steve’s mouth falls open with a deep moan.

He doesn’t even try to hold the noise back because he’s in over his head now anyway. And the best thing is: Thor moans right back at him. The distinctively male sound goes straight to his erection, making it twitch in his jeans. Without his consent, his hips roll forwards against Thor’s and suddenly he can’t breathe because he can feel Thor’s hard cock pressing into his own through their pants.

It feels so unbelievably good that Steve has to do it again and again. Thor responds in kind and soon they’ve got a stuttering rhythm going. He’s dimly aware that he’s moaning pretty much constantly now. Since their hips are effectively working them towards climax, Steve takes time to explore the rest of the demigod’s body. He lets go of his vice grip on Thor’s shirt and runs his hands over the man’s flanks and his clothed back. It’s not enough though and he worms his way underneath the fabric to feel heated skin under his fingers.

Thor has his hands braced against the kitchen counter so he can’t return the favor. But he puts his mouth back to use and slides his tongue against Steve’s, mimicking the pace of their hips. That in itself almost makes Steve come but combined with Thor’s beard against his own stubble, he doesn’t stand a chance. He can feel his orgasm approaching fast. His hands begin to grope every part of the thunderer that isn’t currently pressed up against his own body. When they finally grab onto Thor’s ass and pull hard, the other man loses it. Thor groans into the sloppy kiss and his hips jerk forwards. With a load crack, the granite counter top cracks under his fingers and Steve becomes suddenly aware that Thor’s cumming. That realization does it for him and he manages another two thrusts, before he follows him over the edge.

 

It takes a few minutes for them to catch their breath and Thor keeps licking lazily into his mouth while their hips grind together slowly. Steve expects the continual pressure on his spent dick to get uncomfortable but somehow, it feels good instead. Thor hums lowly and Steve can hear the amusement in his voice when he simply asks: “More?”

Normally, Steve would have deemed Thor crazy for the suggestion alone but right now, his body is screaming its consent. Steve pulls back enough to nod and Thor grins at him, his face inches from Steve’s. The bright blue of the demigod’s eyes darkens and he bites his lower lip again. Steve’s struck with the sudden urge to touch it and one of his hands let’s go of Thor’s ass. The other man makes an unhappy little noise in the back of his throat but Steve brings his hand up to his face nonetheless. He lets his thumb slide over the swollen lip slowly and watches intently as Thor’s eyes flutter closed.

The taller man moans and follows Steve’s motion with his head. He captures the thumb gently with his teeth and lets his tongue dart over the pad of it. Steve’s mesmerized and when the demigod closes his lips over the tip of his finger, it sends a blissful shock down to his groin. “Thor”, he whispers awestruck. It’s a surprisingly tender moment after the initial frenzy. Thor lets go of the digit and when he opens his eyes again, his pupils are blown even wider. “Fuck me”, he whispers back. His voice sounds like he’s eaten shards of broken glass.

 

Steve’s breath catches in his throat.

Thor doesn’t wait for his permission though and takes a step back instead. The loss of contact is almost painful but the feeling dissipates quickly when Thor’s hand slides in between his legs and squeezes his cock through his pants. The motion elicits another broken moan from each of them. “Please”, Thor whimpers and begins to fumble with Steve’s belt. The plea from the demigod nearly kills Steve and abruptly the frenzy is back.

He helps with the belt and makes quick work of the button and zipper as well. He reaches for Thor’s pants next but the other man is faster and has his open jeans shoved down to mid tight in no time. Gulping, Steve learns that Thor goes commando. A golden treasure trail leads down to a short-cropped patch of blond curls. His recent release is smeared all over the inside of his pants and his erection, proof of Thor’s pleasure. To Steve, the semen is the ultimate evidence that he’s engaging sexually with another man. For a moment, Steve stares at the huge glistening cock bobbing before him, then he reaches out tentatively. He’s almost afraid to be refused but when his fingers close around the firm flesh, Thor just moans.

Experimentally, he tightens his grip and moves his hand up and down. It causes the other man’s breath to hitch and Steve can feel more wetness leaking from the tip. A quick glance at Thor’s blissful expression confirms that he’s doing okay. Steve grows bolder and begins to work Thor’s cock for real. The slide is easy due to the fact that Thor’s still covered in come. The feeling of holding the demigod’s dick in his hand is thrilling; Steve can feel all the contained power vibrating through it.

To Steve’s disappointment, Thor stops him after a few pulls by putting a hand on his wrist. He looks questioningly at the other man and Thor actually blushes while mumbling: “I don’t want to come yet." Steve lets go, albeit reluctantly. All of a sudden, he’s faced with his inexperience again because he doesn’t have a clue at how to proceed.

Thor seems to take up on his insecurity. “Don’t worry, I have done this before”, he explains in a placating tone. That puts Steve at ease for all of three seconds until Thor clarifies: “Once.”

Steve looks at him incredulously. “Are you sure you want to-“

But Thor cuts him short with a needy “Yes!” and who’s Steve to argue?

The demigod reaches over to the kitchen sink to Steve’s left and grabs the soap dispenser determinedly. Steve has a feeling how the creamy fluid is going to be used but he doesn’t dwell on it. Thor turns his front towards the kitchen island, places the dispenser on top of it and braces his hands widely on its surface. He then proceeds to spread his legs apart and hitch his bared ass up, while he looks at Steve over his shoulder.

It’s all the invitation Steve needs and with two long strides, he comes up behind the other man. He shoves his own jeans and boxers out of the way, freeing his still come-covered erection. Thor makes an approving noise as he follows Steve’s movement over his shoulder without turning around. Thor’s ass looks invitingly warm and his muscled tights make Steve’s mouth water, so he runs a hand over the exposed skin. It feels smooth under his palm and Steve dares to squeeze a little. Thor pushed back into his hand and moans. Steve wants to go further but he’s at a loss again.

“I’ve never… I don’t know what to do”, he admits breathily.

 

Thor reaches for the dispenser again and shoves it into Steve’s hand. “You need to prepare me”, he explains, “use your fingers like you would on a woman.” The hint doesn’t help Steve much but it’s not exactly rocket science so he shuts up and complies. Glancing at his cock he thinks that with all that cum, the soap is probably unnecessary. Nonetheless, he pumps a copious amount of it into his palm and sets the dispenser back onto the counter.

He can feel Thor’s impatience by the way the other man’s body is strung tight. He keeps shifting his ass up slightly in Steve’s direction and he’s pretty sure Thor’s doing it unintentionally. Steve let’s his hand ghost over Thor’s crack and the demigod whimpers at the touch. “Please, Steve”, he whines and his hips shove back, seeking more contact. That encourages Steve to finally slide his fingers over Thor’s most private part.

They encounter heated skin and catch on Thor’s hole when he rubs them up and down between the firm globes. Steve concentrates on Thor’s entrance and starts to massage circles around it. Eventually, he dips the tip of one finger inside and Thor goes nuts with the sensation. He’s writhing against Steve’s hand now, moaning constantly. His tone varies from a dark timbre to high-pitched but every sound he makes is a clear signal of want and need. Briefly, Steve wonders if it really feels that good to be touched back there and a tiny subconscious part of him is almost jealous of Thor.

He takes his time before he slides the first finger in completely and it goes in without resistance while Thor throws his blonde head back. Steve watches enraptured, while he moves it in and out of Thor’s body, discovering the tight heat for the first time. The second finger is easy as well but the third is a tight fit and the fourth proves to be a challenge. Within the first two digits, Steve has reduced Thor to a mewling mess. As he strokes a certain spot inside him, Thor clenches around the intrusion and begins to shove back on Steve’s fingers.

Steve can feel when Thor’s getting close and he doubles his efforts until the other man’s hips stutter to a halt. “Steve, wait… wait…”, he gasps, “you have to stop.” Steve answers with a breathless: “Okay.” Still, as he starts to retract his fingers, the demigod can’t seem to stop himself from chasing them. He keens softly when the digits slip from his hole and spreads his legs a little wider in invitation.

The sight of the mighty Thor, begging to take his cock is nearly enough to make Steve come untouched. The demigod’s shirt and hair are drenched with sweat and he’s shaking with the effort to hold back. Steve grabs his come-covered cock and shifts his hips, until he’s lining up with Thor’s gaping hole. The heat the other man’s radiating feels amazingly inviting and Steve nudges the tip of his erection against Thor’s entrance experimentally. It slips in easily after the thorough preparation and Steve pushes harder. Even though he’s huge, he sinks in with one smooth long thrust and bottoms out at the end effortlessly. Judging from Thor’s heartfelt groan, it’s exactly what he’s needed all along.

Steve’s mind shuts off completely for a few heartbeats, as he stays seated deeply inside Thor’s ass. The pressure is overwhelming and it’s hard to stay focused under the onslaught of sensations. If he hadn’t just come, Steve would have blown his load right now. In fact, he doesn’t know how he manages not to come again anyway. Steve’s body starts to move without his consent, pressing instinctively even deeper into Thor and his hips begin to roll against the other man slowly on their own.

Gradually, they build up a rhythm together and his hands take hold on Thor’s hips for the ride. He can’t believe that Thor has only ever done this once before. The demigod takes it as tough he’s made for it and soon he’s urging him on with pleas of “More” and “Harder” and “Faster”. Steve complies and starts to thrust in and out for real, his movement gaining momentum. The friction on his cock is the best thing he’s ever felt and he knows he won’t last long the second time, either.

After a while, Thor can’t seem to hold himself up any longer and he sinks down onto his elbows, leaning heavily on the countertop. Seeing how Thor is strong enough to conquer whole armies on his own, Steve thinks bringing him down to his elbows is quite a feat. He doesn’t have time to dwell on that thought though, because the new angle is just perfect and his control slips. His thrusts turn erratic and his moans desperate as he nears his climax again. He’s dimly aware of Thor’s hand moving rapidly on his own cock while Steve pounds into his ass from behind.

When Thor clenches down on him and comes with a hoarse shout, Steve pushes as deep inside him as possible. His own orgasm hits him like a sledgehammer. For a few moments, he’s reduced to the all-encompassing need to ejaculate every single drop into Thor’s pulsing channel. When he regains his senses, he moans deeply and makes a few tiny thrusts just to be sure that he’s really poured it all into the other man. Thor groans approvingly at that and pushes back a little.

 

Steve’s remaining strength abruptly drains from his body and he slumps forwards onto the demigod, wrapping his arms around the other man’s torso. They stay like that for a moment, until Thor starts to tremble with the effort of their combined weight. He pulls out reluctantly and judging by the unhappy sound from Thor, he doesn’t approve of the sensation either. Steve straightens and gives the other man a little room to do the same. As soon as Thor’s facing him tough, the demigod pulls him into his arms and licks into his mouth again. They stay wrapped up in each other for a long time, not minding their filthy state one bit.

Thor hums contently. “That was very nice”, he comments happily.

“Yeah”, Steve agrees while he buries his head into the crook of Thor’s neck.

“Would you like to do that again?”, the taller man inquires. Steve chuckles against his skin. “Definitely”, he answers.

Thor stays quiet for a while before he speaks up again. “Did you know that Dr. Banner tends to swim naked every other morning in the pool on the thirstiest floor?”, he asks thoughtfully.

Steve tilts his head back to get a look at Thor’s face. “You’re such a pervert”, he scolds, a grin tugging at his lips.

“But you love it”, Thor replies smugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this rather perverted ride.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading and commenting and/or kudos! Your support means a lot to me!!!


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